My life would be so much easier if…

My parents could have gotten married.  I would not be struggling to get my mom into a nursing home just because she doesn’t have enough insurance coverage. Plus, who can’t afford $8,000 a month a nursing home?  Instead, if they could have wed, she would have VA benefits from her spouse being in the Korean War as a doctor and I could get her the 24 hour care she deserves instead of me being her only lifeline.  Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, I care for my 87 year old mom who not only has advanced Alzheimer’s, but is legally blind, going deaf, can barely walk or care for herself.   It’s a tremendous burden on me to care for her all the time and to never have a break, expect on Saturday for a few hours when we pay a home aid $25.00 an hour to babysit. I’m trapped.  If I hear a noise, any time of the day or night, I literally jump and run into her room because she has fallen so many times.  Just last month she landed on her face and broke her nose, two days ago she fell during the day and broke her ribs.  I’m on edge at all times, listening for her fall or her screams for help.  I’m trapped in the home when I am here, trapped in my mind and worried when I leave.

Every single morning I take a deep breath, put my hand on her bedroom doorknob and slowly open the door expecting to find her dead.  It’s a horrible way to start the day, but it’s my reality.  I have tried every angle, called every number, asked around and searched, but I can’t get home health care like she had in Idaho. New Mexico lacks funding and there is no money for home care, or for Medicaid for nursing home care.  I am in this gray area; Alzheimer’s is not really a disease that will warrant medical care, so I can only get her admitted to a hospital for something serious, something that requires a longer stay than 3 days. Then, and only then, can I ask them to transfer her to a nursing home. The hospital can comply, or not. Then the trick is to find a nursing home that will take Medicaid assisted payments.  Many wont. So once you find that home, you have to apply for a waiver, and after long months of waiting, they can approve you or not.  If approved, most likely they will take all of her assets; her home, cars, money in the bank, all of it. If not approved, you owe thousands of dollars for care.  Is this any way to treat American Citizens?

But only if my parents could have gotten legally married I would not be having this issue.  Instead she would be in a VA nursing home and I would have my life back, and maybe, just maybe, this migraine I have had for 3 weeks would finally go away.  But no, the government decided that gay marriage is illegal. Why is sex with another person over 18 and consenting illegal? What right does the government have to say who is allowed to love whom?  My parents were together for over 50 years, and while being far from perfect, they stuck it out and stayed together.  Had they been able to get married I would have had insurance coverage from my one mom who worked at a job with insurance.  I would not have had to lie to everyone about their relationship for most of my life.  I would have been allowed to invite kids over to play at my house. But no, instead I grew up in shame and isolated from the world.  Is this a way to treat an American Citizen?

Your bible may tell you that gayness is an abomination, but if you’re going to accept that, then I challenge you to accept EVERYTHING in the bible, including stoning women to death, selling children into slavery,  and owning slaves.  Plus remember, sin is sin in the bible, and according to Romans 6:23 the wages of sin is death, and in Psalm 145:20, God will destroy all the wicked.  So don’t judge those who sin differently than you do.  According to Galatians 5:19  you can sin by: 1 Adultery, 2 fornication, 3 uncleanness, 4 lasciviousness, 5 idolatry, 6 witchcraft, 7 hatred, 8 variance, 9 emulations, 10 wrath, 11 strife, 12 seditions, 13 heresies, 14 envyings, 15 murders, 16 drunkenness, and 17 revellings.  But, go ahead and hold onto that belief system if you must, but realize this, marriage is a LEGAL document, not a moral one.

If my parents would have been allowed to marry, me, Stefani, a married, straight, female that identifies as female, would not be having this incredible burden that effects every aspect of my life.  My parents are Americans that deserved the pursuit of happiness which included the legal right to get married. Too bad my other mom passed away before she could have actually had the equal opportunity of marriage.

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Stefani Lord

Survivor of sexual abuse, childhood neglect, physical and verbal abuse, chronic illnesses, and drug and alcohol addiction, Stefani Lord started the life change process at age 25, but it was not a linear road to recovery. Stefani want back and forth, and round and round with therapy, 12 step programs, and various different spiritual journeys. It took many years of self exploration before she finally had a break through and found peace within herself. Her goal now is to share all the steps, and the mistakes, of how she was finally able to develop inner strength to overcome the demons of her past and move forward in spite of past tragedies and current illness. There are many roads to recovery, but this road paved the way to success. Mission Statement My purpose is to share my personal life experiences, as well as gather those from others who have not only overcome, but have thrived following tragedy. My hope is that through these stories the reader will be inspired to make changes that will bring joy and increased confidence into their own lives.

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